The Loneliness Of The Long Distance Gunner


By Michael Steyn (@Die_Kanonnier)

In the afterglow of Arsenal’s 2014 FA Cup win some of the more prominent Gooners on Twitter re-tweeted a Niagara of photographs and YouTube videos of celebrating fans from across the world. As I sat in front of my computer at my home on the South coast of South Africa hugging myself and punching the air with my imaginary Gooner friends those pictures and, in particular, the overwhelming response to them gave me an especially warm and cuddly feeling.

I am not English, nor have I ever lived in England, but I am a Gooner and I claim that title, I think I’ve earned it. I was raised supporting The Arsenal so I suppose one could say that I’ve been a Gooner my whole life. But when you fall in love there is supposed to be a moment and there was for me; Alan Sunderland’s winner in the 1979 Cup Final. That was the point of no return. I was hopelessly and irretrievably infatuated. When I re-watch that goal (which I often do), I still get a perverse kick from the fact that it was the South African raised, Gary Bailey that flapped at Graham Rix’s cross.

In South Africa at the time, the FA Cup final was the only game shown on television. Keeping up with The Arsenal proved difficult and frustrating. I relied on Shoot Magazine for news and on the crackling and often unreliable BBC World Service on Short Wave radio for results. Many, many hours were spent on my bedroom floor hoping that the signal would last just long enough to get the score. I listened to so much Morse-Code during those years it’s a bit surprising I can’t decipher it.

One of, if not, the first, league games to be shown live on South African television was one some of you may also remember. It was played on May 26, 1989 at Anfield. Imagine that! The first league game I ever saw, the first league title in my lifetime, watched from a hard wooden bench at the school boarding house with a room full of Liverpool supporters. I couldn’t sleep that night, I was beside myself.

The 1990’s brought satellite television, Supersport and live Premier League football. I am now in the privileged position of being able to watch every single game that Arsenal play live. Even the Emirates Cup is broadcast live. So I arrange my life around making sure that I see as many as possible without completely alienating friends and family. What’s that? … Oh. It seems I do alienate them, but they understand. It is The Arsenal.

Being able to watch my great love was never going to be enough for me though. I was still more or less alone. There is no supporter’s club where I live. I don’t think there are more than 4 or 5 Gooners in the area. There is my Mother (who never misses a game) and a friend with whom I converse daily. That’s fun and I love going over to watch games with my Mother who gets more excited and upset and emotionally invested than perhaps she should. But who am I to talk.

I found out exactly what I was missing when, in December 2005, I made a pilgrimage to Highbury and watched Arsenal tear Portsmouth apart. I saw Henry and Bergkamp score and roared with delight as the net at the Clock End bulged four times that night. It felt like home, welcoming and familiar.

I knew that night though that I wanted not just to be part of the Gooner family but to feel part of it. In a slight way the 21st century with its internet forums and Twitter has given me that. I have “met” people that I chat with online. I hear views that mirror and differ from my own and partake in discussions about players and the club. I have all the news and reaction to the news at the end of my right index finger – Which brings me back to the celebrating Gooners on Twitter.

There are thousands and thousands of Gooners like me around the world and the pictures allowed those in North London to catch a glimpse of what The Arsenal means to us. We dream with you, we laugh with you, we cry with you and we sing with you even if it is from the couch in our living rooms. We are Gooners and we love The Arsenal.

You can follow him on twitter : (@Die_Kanonnier)


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The Football Fan


By Dave Hillier (@davehillierr)

The definition of a Masochist according to Webster’s dictionary: One who takes pleasure in being abused or dominated; a taste for suffering. If you take that definition and apply it to football, there is only one (not wanting to start a new football chant or anything) sporting masochist and that is the loyal football supporter.

The diehard, rain soaked, piss taken out of, scarf clad, claxon wielding, empty wallet fan. The one who puts his team before wife and kids, his beloved dog and quite often Saturday afternoon fun doing something else, but why?

Belief! Belief that your song, your voice, your £92 for a ticket (that’s what I paid for AFC v MCFC) can make a difference. And if it does – you get bragging rights down at the pub. You get to be listened to when the ball comes out in the office. Your opinions matter.

Then you lose three in a row, drop out of the conversation and the feeling at five to three on Saturday is no longer a gentle buzz in your throat and a warm feeling in your heart – It’s a nerve wrenching sickness.

It’s a pulsating, throbbing ache in your shoulders – tightening every minute your team doesn’t perform to their best. Yes! It’s YOUR TEAM – you are part of them, you feel their pain. The pain of each misdirected pass by each player, eleven times over the disappointment of every player streams through you; but you still believe. You still sing, shout, hope, curse and the ‘fat lady’ is not singing yet.

Then it happens, that spherical piece of leather that men chase and kick crosses the white line and ripples the back of the enemies net………joy, euphoria and pain! Good pain, the pain of relief, of exultation, of bragging rights returning, of the hope, belief and faith that you gave being justified. You did it! Your support made the difference, your screams, your fight, your ability to withstand pain, and at the very end – get pleasure!

Like I said in the beginning; the definition of a Masochist is…

A FOOTBALL FAN.

You can follow him on twitter : (@davehillierr)


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Moral Turpitude And One Pound


By The Other Geoff (@Hollefreund)

What would you do to win?

Anything within the rules of the game? Anything within the rules of society? What about just plain anything?

What would be right and what would be wrong? Are there morals in football and in particular, at Arsenal?

There is a legal concept used in Criminal Law in the United States called – Moral Turpitude. It’s a strange term, one in which we can only guess at its inherent meaning by the use of the word “moral.” In fact, digging around on the inter-web will cough up West Encyclopedia of American Law’s description of; “conduct that is considered contrary to community standards of justice, honesty or good morals.”

Good morals may seem nebulous at first glimpse, but a bit of elbow grease and spit will uncover that in fact, there are several sets of reasonable moral rules to be found if one dares to search. All of them, regardless of culture, are grounded by the basic premise that we as humans know right from wrong.

Let me ask you this – within the context of right and wrong, your morals, would you do wrong in order for Arsenal to win? How far would you be willing to go? Would you bite someone (assuming they didn’t want you to)?

With a single chomp of the canines, that petulant little Uruguayan captured the attention of the World. Within seconds, countless memes had popped up on internet sites, Twitter was awash with various Vine postings of the incident and nearly every football fan around the globe had an opinion on it; be it on the length of punishment necessary for such a repeat offence, to the nature of the boy’s mentality and upbringing, to even whether it was truly as horrific as the media was portraying it. It was the bite that was heard around the world and will likely go down in history as the most famous of bites since Mike Tyson’s earfully inclined indiscretions.

Importantly for this blog, it stirred up a moral argument amongst us Gooners; one that’s caused me to pause and reflect on a fair few things connected to our great club.
The question itself is a simple one: “Would you still take Luis Suarez at Arsenal?”
Sure it’s being asked a few different ways out there amongst us but the premise really boils down to a moral one – would we take a player that will do anything to win, someone who’s conduct is contrary to community standards, someone who commits moral turpitude, in order to win trophies at Arsenal?

Now before this sounds like a lecture, I’m going to come clean. I wanted Luis Suarez last summer at Arsenal. Quite frankly, I felt his quality in front of goal far outweighed his on field setbacks and I felt that signing him would certainly win us a major trophy. Not only that, but I wrongly assumed that his ban for bitey tendencies would smarten him up – he would see the error of his ways. But does the end justify the means? Now, nearly 12 months after our ill-advised £40 Million and 1 pound bid, I find myself wavering on that stance.

For starters, one of the biggest reasons I wanted Suarez at Arsenal is because he is simply a World Class player. Whether you agree with his transgressions or not, you cannot deny the pure talent he has in finding the back of the net. Most certainly, having a striker of that ilk would produce silverware for Arsenal. If you need convincing on this point, consider that he nearly dragged players like Jordan Henderson and Glen Johnson to a Premier League title, only to slip up on the final run in.

Consider for a moment our collective mindset a year ago. The weight of the barren trophy-less years was being hung around our neck like an albatross by every pundit and journalist this side of Hades. We were desperate, desperate to prove our critics wrong; desperate to prove to ourselves that we had the mental strength to cross that imagined barrier and win a Cup. And guess what happened – we did just that. Even better was the fact that we won a Cup emblazoned with history and dripping with a tradition of excellence.

There should be no such trepidation now. The angst of that 9 year itch has been soothed by a topical cream only winning can produce. And without wanting to falsely create a new weight of expectation, it will not be 9 years again. Our dealings in the transfer market this summer should be much calmer with the knowledge that our squad is nearly there – we won a trophy without Luis Suarez.

12 months ago, we also had immense (self-imposed) pressure to conduct a big deal in the transfer market from a financial perspective. New commercial deals about to kick-in, the stadium slowly becoming less of a financial constraint, the misguided thought that Financial Fair Play would come into effect, and Ivan’s cool musings on last summer’s eve about being able to pull off a major deal or two. Last summer surely was the summer of colossal anticipation: we were ravenous for a player like Suarez.

This summer feels vastly different. On player transfer dealings alone, we’ve made over £15 Million* pounds since the end of this past season. Add to that the new kit deal bringing in additional funds, the new Premier League TV deal kicking in, and a whole lot of dry powder from previous windows – we can buy who we want with few exceptions. If we want World Class, we can get it.

You can see it in the media where transfer “experts” are less quick to draw a link, always with the caveats of maybe and could. We’re not seeing the “5 World Class signings” tweets of a year ago. Indeed, apart from resources in Spain, the sauces seem to be only used in reference to outdoor barbecues with friends. The hunger has been lessened; we’ve learned a bit from last year; the desperation to sign World Class has diminished.

A funny thing happens when you aren’t desperate: you realize you don’t need to settle. Don’t get me wrong, footballistically no team on earth would be “settling” for Luis Suarez. But morally…I think many Gooners can appreciate that last summer we were prepared to overlook certain character flaws. This summer we don’t need to reconcile.

Perhaps most importantly to my commentary on signing Suarez and often the most overlooked in any moral discourse is the fact that we are fans of Arsenal Football Club. Here’s an experiment, next time you are with a group of fellow Gooners ask them to describe Arsenal in one word; one word. I’m certain you will hear the words “class,” “tradition,” and “history.”

We are a club that tries to do things the right way, from dying the flowers in the club boardroom to match the opposition kits on match day, to have the longest employed manager in the Premier League. It can be agonizing at times (see our staunch support of financial viability), but also a badge of pride. Who can recall our honourable offer to replay the FA Cup tie with Sheffield United in ’99 after we scored a dubious winner?
We have a strong and often stubborn sense of right and wrong at Arsenal. That’s our club’s morals – it’s what we stand for and it’s engrained in our identity.

That’s why we should all be leery when outside forces threaten our club’s tradition of class. We all should feel a duty to stand up for what is right at Arsenal Football Club. Sometimes that means voicing your opinion over rising ticket prices. Sometimes it means being suspicious of foreign shareholders with unclear motives – and sometimes it means saying no to World Class players that have a habit of tarnishing their club’s reputations.

In the same way there are certain managers I never want to see at our club, I don’t want Luis Suarez at Arsenal. That isn’t a statement on the player as much as a statement on the Arsenal and what our club represents. Sometimes the means do not justify the ends. We shouldn’t be clamouring to cross our moral boundaries to win – to commit wrong to attain on field success.

I say all of these things like we as fans have a choice to sign Luis Suarez. Of course none of us have any authority over transfers and I’m thankful for that (Joe Cole anyone), but it is our choice to back our club to do the right thing – and I think morally that is far more important than any misguided player at Arsenal.

Cheers all,

The Other Geoff

*Estimated off the sale of rights to Vela and the small amount from the Cesc sell-on.

You can follow him on twitter : (@Hollefreund)


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057 – World Cup 2014 Edition Part 4 (29th June 2014)


Tonight’s podcast is with these cheeky Gooner’s :

Kris (@AFCfreddie8).

Thomas (@tmundt3).

Danny (@The_GFP).
From : The Highbury Inn

Problems using either of the two media players, try these :

Click here to listen to in a new window
Or
Click here to listen via iTunes
Or
Click here to listen via our YouTube channel
Or
Right Click Here then “Save link as” for .mp3

There is swearing as always but we have world cup fatigue and need eggs.


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056 – World Cup 2014 Edition Part 3 (25th June 2014)


Tonight’s podcast is with these cheeky Gooner’s :

Kris (@AFCfreddie8).

Danny (@The_GFP).
From : The Highbury Inn

Problems using either of the two media players, try these :

Click here to listen to in a new window
Or
Click here to listen via iTunes
Or
Click here to listen via our YouTube channel
Or
Right Click Here then “Save link as” for .mp3

There is swearing as always but we have world cup fatigue and need eggs.


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Will The FA Cup Win Make The Emirates Feel Like Home?


By Paul Sweeny (@thesweeney51)

When you move homes you always lose something in the process.

Arsenal lost one of English football’s unique stadiums – a tribute to art-deco architecture tucked behind a row of terraced houses in North London – the scene for many of the club’s triumphs and home for 93 years.

By almost any measure the Emirates is a superior stadium to Highbury, yet doubts linger it amounts to less than the sum of its parts and the overall experience is an inferior one – like moving from a Victorian semi packed with period features to a Barratt Homes new build.

Better, yet somehow worse.

Unquestionably much of this is down to our final years at Highbury coinciding with arguably the high water mark in Arsenal’s modern history, and the first years at the Emirates marked by inglorious failure.

The club’s move away from its spiritual home was sold to fans as enabling it to compete with Europe’s elite – the loss of Highbury will be worth it for a better tomorrow.

But there’s only so long you can sell the future – success at Highbury was too fresh in the memory, and the Emirates the millstone around the club’s neck as stars were sold and it struggled to compete with the Premier League’s traditional heavyweights plus the nouveau riche Chelsea and Manchester City.

Winning trophies is the only way to make the Emirates feel like home, as it begins to create its own history and sense of place, rather than fans mourning what we used to have on and off the pitch in the final years at Highbury.

Perhaps the Emirates will finally feel more like home at the season opener against Crystal Palace, as eight years on, the club finally completes its move – by hanging a picture of the FA Cup on the banner inside the stadium remembering the club’s triumphs.

Since the move from Highbury the empty space to the right hand side of the 2005 FA Cup win has haunted the club and provided TV cameramen with a convenient cutaway and visual reminder of the club’s failure at the Emirates.

No longer.

You can follow him on twitter : (@thesweeney51)


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Football, Five Year Olds & Pantomime Villains


By The Other Geoff (@Hollefreund)

I have a five year old son with a vivid imagination.  It’s my own fault of course.  I’ve read him all manner of books, let him watch movies about dragons and spacemen and openly encouraged his dinosaur-like tendencies.  He simply lives in an imaginary world and quite frankly, I love it.

There are some drawbacks however.  School can be a particular challenge and when it comes to watching sports with his Dad, well this is nearly impossible.  There is almost no way a five year old who believes he is a T-Rex can sit still for three minutes, let alone watch ninety minutes of Arsenal versus Stoke at 7 am in the morning – note that this is his prime energy time.

To come at a problem like this, you have to really rethink the value proposition for your kid.  Creativity needs to be countered with creativity,  so I began to create a sort of mythology around Arsenal.  I started with the heroes: Dennis “The Iceman” Bergkamp, “King” Henry, “Mr. Arsenal” Tony Adams, Le Professor…

This new take on Arsenal invigorated him. What powers would the Ox use to unlock the defense?  Does the Welsh Wizard know many spells?  How many forwards have been Verminated?  He sat, wide eyed, captivated by the stories I told about the Arsenal.

Ultimately, the conversation turned to villains.  In my eagerness to impress my son, I’d created an exhaustive list of Arsenal heroes without even considering who those heroes would face.

“Who are the bad guys dad?” he asked on cue.  I didn’t know where to start.

There are literally thousands of characters that I could consider as Arsenal villains.  Don’t believe me?  Count the number of times our friend Jason Davies (@jasondavies71) calls someone a c**t on the next ABW podcast.

We started with the low hanging fruit of course.  There was Evil King Twitchy and his Financial Advising Dog, the Dutch Skunk of Manchester, the Wife Stealer of Stamford Bridge, the Orc Army of Stoke (this one thrilled him), the Bitey Cannibal of Scousedor, and of course the super villains – the evil Chickens of Tottenham (he’s five, I couldn’t very well show him Jack’s video from the FA Cup Parade, could I?).

There were some unforeseen side effects of contextualizing sport like this.  The most notable occurred on my son’s first day of football when, believing himself to be “a mighty Arsenal warrior,” he chased several of the opposition clear off the pitch, including all of their defenders and goalie.  Their parents shrieked in displeasure and attempted to round up the squealing kids and get them back on the field but not before my son’s team scored a completely unopposed goal.  Not one to miss out on the opportunity to make a sarcastic comment, I leaned over to the parents next to me and calmly pointed out that “I’ve never seen Messi do that.”

I’ve found myself thinking about villains a lot this week.  It really started with this excellent video on FIFA by John Oliver.  If you haven’t seen it, you really ought to take the time to watch it.  In one of his beautifully articulated points, Oliver compares the FIFA boardroom with that from Dr. Strangelove.

That really got me thinking, if Sepp Blatter and FIFA are the villains of world football, who specifically is the single villain of Arsenal?

It brought me back to my conversations with my son and the long list of villains we had drafted.  I pushed myself further to come up with a single name and found myself blurting out odd name combinations that seemed to represent my brain’s way of rationalizing multiple characters into one person; Robin Van Piersmorgan,  Neil Anthonytaylorshton, Jose Adebayorinho, Tony Pardewulis, Daniel Legrovey, and of course John Terry.

My brain wouldn’t let me do it – stupid brain.  There was no single person.  What I did find was not only a growing list of people, but also an ever expanding list of football villain archetypes.  These were undoubtedly the pantomime villains of the epic that is Arsenal.

From the Borderline Journo type, who spends his time “nicking a living” attempting to wind us up to sell articles. The Enigmatic Foreign Owner type who could be using our club to launder money or worse, intends on changing our home colours to pink and wants to name us the “Panthers.”  From the Biased Official type who could rob our team of three points on the opening day of the season to the Celebrity Twitter Whore type that feels the need to speak bollocks at every opportunity and conveniently forgets any trouble they may have caused Gooners in Copenhagen.

I was just getting warmed up.  There were certainly more.

There is a special place in hell for the Ex-Footballer Pundit type that speaks in a variation of scouse and has a complete lack of tactical knowledge of the modern game.  Even better are the Mind Game Manager type who frequently can’t remember what he’s actually said to wind-up the opposition, often ending in a negative spiral of ironic hilarity; a “specialist in failure” if you will.  Then there are the Bitey, Racist, Philandering, Divey, Players on Other Teams type, of whom I couldn’t think of any specific examples.

We could all speak ad nauseam on the topic of our biggest villain; the Bitter Rival and Simpleton Fans type.  As Gooners, we are fortunate to have such an unworthy adversary, yet somewhere deep within the psyche of this villain type, is an imagined and deluded superiority complex which causes such gems as “Mind the Gap” and “1-1 at Newcastle.” Our Bitter Rival and Simpleton Fans type truly is the gift that keeps on giving (note we will not be making this blog into a DVD).

Of all the different types of villains we can categorize, there was one that resonated the loudest with me; the Traitorous Ex-Player type.  Search out the fallen hero in literature and there is example after example of the hero turned villain.  Known for betraying our trust, the protagonist turned antagonist is more than a symbolic and momentary villain because they play on our emotions.  Utter joy at the sight of kissing the badge is replaced by irrefutable hatred at the spectacle of them in our bitterest rivals’ colours.  Put simply, there is no other villain archetype that alienates us as a fan base the way these guys do.

The truth is we need villains because football isn’t a single story, but a series of stories that get published weekly.  Our villains are transient from week to week like a comic book, regularly pitting our heroes against the constant threat of our serial adversaries.  That’s one of the many reasons why football is so endearing to us fans.

And we’re good at identifying villains too; maybe sometimes a little too good.  The constant serialization of villains has caused us to become ever more ruthless in our attempts to characterize them. The case could be made that we vilify too quickly, sometimes turning on our fellow fans, our players, and the manager.  It’s an odd phenomenon because when you think about it, there should be a multitude of villains outside of our dear club’s borders to appease our insatiable appetite for adversaries.

Villains play such an important role in the broader narrative of sport, and as fans, they enrich our experience.  They make supporting our teams, and by extensions our heroes, so much more meaningful.   They also take us back to the times when we were five, pretending to be Arsenal warriors battling the evil parish of the Seven Sisters.

And so in the same week that Ceslski Fabregas announced his stunning return to London, I leave you with this small comfort: football without villains would be like toast without beans; palatable if you have to eat it, but devoid of the inevitable flatulence that amuses us all.

Cheers all,

The Other Geoff

You can follow him on twitter : (@Hollefreund)


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055 – World Cup 2014 Edition Part 2 (22nd June 2014)


Tonight’s podcast is with these cheeky Gooner’s :

Kris (@AFCfreddie8).

Dom (@ozgooner49).

Danny (@The_GFP).
From : The Highbury Inn

Interviews live from Brazil by Chris (@hyllandinho)

Problems using either of the two media players, try these :

Click here to listen to in a new window
Or
Click here to listen via iTunes
Or
Click here to listen via our YouTube channel
Or
Right Click Here then “Save link as” for .mp3

There is swearing but fuck it its world cup time baby.


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054 – World Cup 2014 Edition Part 1 (17th June 2014)


Tonight’s podcast is with these cheeky Gooner’s :

Kris (@AFCfreddie8).

John (@nytak_).

Danny (@The_GFP).
From : The Highbury Inn

Interviews live from Brazil by Chris (@hyllandinho)

Problems using either of the two media players, try these :

Click here to listen to in a new window
Or
Click here to listen via iTunes
Or
Click here to listen via our YouTube channel
Or
Right Click Here then “Save link as” for .mp3

There is swearing but fuck it its world cup time baby.


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053 – World Cup 2014 Preview (11th June 2014)


Gimli (@GoonerGimli) Is as excited as a puppy with a new bone in anticipation of the up coming world cup and is joined by :

Kris (@AFCfreddie8).

Dom (@ozgooner49).

Danny (@The_GFP).
From : The Highbury Inn

Problems using either of the two media players, try these :

Click here to listen to in a new window
Or
Click here to listen via iTunes
Or
Click here to listen via our YouTube channel
Or
Right Click Here then “Save link as” for .mp3

There is some potty language in this pod but its world cup fever and we are all like kittens on cheap crack.


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